


underneath the fears, twisted and weird

by xxcaribbean



Category: One Direction (Band), Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 00:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxcaribbean/pseuds/xxcaribbean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The clouds have darkened, the atmosphere is more of a shit storm and there are bitter tears that silently fall because it's too much at one time. Too much emotion, too much truth, <i>way too fucking much</i> for either of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	underneath the fears, twisted and weird

**Author's Note:**

> also read [here](http://thesimpleartofwriting.tumblr.com/post/35604668566/i-dont-think-ive-ever-written-anything-like-this)

When a relationship begins, there's a reason why it's called the honeymoon phase. It's a little too lovely-dovey, being sweet towards one another, always wanting to make sure each other is happy until one day a little flicker of insecurity waltz itself into the door and stirs the pot of worries, releasing a vapor so dire it causes both parties to begin their first argument.  
  
Usually things can be settled quite quickly because no one wants to believe that they just fought over something as simple as whatever it was that made them turn on one another in the first place. So they go back to the beginning of being nice, and being in love until several months are down the line, and those arguments happen a little more often than they had towards the beginning, and it becomes a crumbling piece until even friends are making bets on how long they'll last together as a whole, as one, because isn't that what they signed up for? To be together for an indefinite amount of time til one thing pushes both parties off a mile high cliff, to their death filled with jagged rocks and blood and water.  
  
"You know, if you wouldn't be so fucking jealous all the time, Zayn..."  
  
Zayn shakes his head, "No, no you don't get it,  _Liam_. There's a fine line in being nice to someone and flirting with someone who's  _taken_. The bitch knew you were mine, yet she still had the audacity to try and win you over."  
  
"And you think that low of me to actually act on that? If I'm with you, then I'm with you for a reason."  
  
Zayn raises an eyebrow and smiles sardonically. "Yet people tend to stray."  
  
And it's the final straw, because it was laced with a hatred Zayn's not even sure where it had come from, and as those words slowly die and silence takes over, he can see Liam, all buff and pretty much twice his size, tense at such a remark thrown his way.  
  
"Right, says the one who couldn't even last in a single fucking relationship whenever we were on tour."  
  
Zayn knows what he was talking about, that woman, Rebecca, and how she claimed he'd gone astray.  
  
He's at a loss for words.  
  
"See, Zayn," Liam begins, tilting his head, fits clenched at his sides, "if anyone should be worried, it should be me, because I know how you can get. You, of all people, have no right to question my loyalty. And when I started this with you, I promised I'd throw everything in your past away, not hold it against you or mention it again, but if you really want to start this, then why not?"  
  
"This hasn't nothing to do with tonig-"  
  
"It has  _everything_  to do with tonight. I find it quite funny how I'm not allowed around everyone else, yet I let you go and party and hang out with the other lads, no questions, no calling on my part to see if you're okay, and you can't even do the same."  
  
"She was practically in your lap, Liam. How is that even remotely okay?" he growls out.  
  
They're both standing in the living room, still in their attire from the long night they've just had at some random after-event party Niall thought would be a bloody brilliant idea.  
  
Turns out, it wasn't so much.  
  
"Is she what you want now? Have you suddenly had your turn with the opposite sex and come to realize that it just isn't for you?"  
  
"And how does that make you feel, Zayn," Liam counters, "knowing that if I wanted I could leave you behind and break your heart, because like it or not, I've got that power over you."  
  
Zayn feels hysterical now, in disbelief and not liking the way these words are penetrating everything he's ever been insecure about. He doesn't attach well to people in the beginning, but once he does, he's like a tattoo inked into the skin of his friends, his boyfriend, and it takes months, years to rub it completely off because Zayn clings to what he knows best, and what he knows best right now is Liam, and how he's making him feel like shit for not being what he should be, what he needs to be and everything he wants to be.  
  
So he steps forward, anger spilling over to the point of no return and he pushes Liam, lays his hands against the other boys chest and  _pushes_  him back against the wall, hard enough for Liam to look slightly stunned.  
  
But soon, it disappears and an indignation buried deep beneath the layers of characteristics and personality unfolds before Zayn's eyes and he takes a step back because Liam doesn't get this upset; he doesn't let that kind of emotion build up to a boiling point. And without any warning, something is flying towards him and Zayn barely ducks in time before a picture frame is whirling past his head, glass breaking as it makes contact with the wall behind Zayn on the other side of the room.  
  
His breathing is ragged and as much as he wants to turn around to see what damage has really been done, Liam is at him again with harsh words.  
  
"So fucking  _needy_ , Zayn. You're always around, always there because you don't know what to do with yourself; so I'm there to fill in the gap. I'm there to soothe out any little qualms you have about yourself because that's what it's come down to, hasn't it?"  
  
Liam's eyes are dark, brows furrowed with a little upturn at the corner of his mouth.  
  
Zayn doesn't believe what he's hearing.  
  
"What about you then, Liam?" Zayn starts, swallowing any trace of hesitation he may have because if Liam is going to bite, Zayn's only going to bite down harder. "We all have to make sure you're the saving grace, now don't we? Let's all pretend that you don't do any wrong, and place the blame on every other band member, hell, any other person in the world except Liam goddamn Payne, because if they  _really_  knew you, and I mean really knew the Liam that I do, they'd know how much a selfish bastard you are."  
  
His eyes narrow, and he's the one with the small grin on his face now.  
  
"Don't you remember, Liam, or do I need to remind you? You know how you kinda, purposely destroyed your relationship with that fucking dancer so you could be with me or do I need to remind you again that you left her for my ass?" Zayn gives a breathy laugh, shrugging his shoulders and lifting up an eyebrow as to say  _well?_ "Seems to me that I'm not the only needy little son of a bitch."  
  
It's very possible that they love one another too much or maybe they've gotten to that point where things take a turn for the worse, so much so that they won't ever go back to what once was but with the amount of tension in the air, neither of them are sure where this is headed, what the rest of the night will bring or what tomorrow will even be like for them.  
  
The clouds have darkened, the atmosphere is more of a shit storm and there are bitter tears that silently fall because it's  _too_  much at one time. Too much emotion, too much truth,  _way too fucking much_ for either of them.  
  
"So  _don't_  you  _dare_  come at me with that bag of lies because you have a lot of nerve to be calling me out on what I am and what I'm not."  
  
Zayn takes a step forward and in a taunting kind of voice, one he certainly hadn't really meant in the long run, he says, "Why don't we just show the world who you  _really_  are? Then let's see if you still have the balls to say all of that to my face again."  
  
And whenever Zayn looks back on this argument, he can honestly say that he hadn't known what hit him at the time, because suddenly, his face hurts and he's stumbling backwards, hand darting up to his face, mind completely fuzzy, not realizing what had just taken place.  
  
But then it happens again, and Zayn is knocked to the floor. His head hurts, the side of his face feels dented in and the only thing he can really understand is that Liam is over him with a hand wrapped in his shirt and the sudden awareness that a first is making it's way towards his face for one last punch.  
  
He thinks he blacks out for a moment, but Zayn doesn't really know because his vision is fuzzy, his ears ring and Liam's now kneeling in front of him, hands gathering on each side of Zayn's face, looking concerned and worried as he tries his best to call out the other boy's name.  
  
Zayn moves his arms in order for him to cup his hands over Liam's, the ones resting on his face. He blinks, again, and tries his best to say Liam's name. It's whispered at first, and there are tears in Liam's eyes and when everything hits Zayn like a freight train, he sits up abruptly, causing Liam to scramble back and away from him, eyes wet, terrified, confused and  _lost_.  
  
Zayn lifts his hands up to the side of his face and hisses when it makes contact with his eye, near his eyebrow where he can feel the cut. There's blood trickling down from the wound and when he pulls his hand back, there's a clear amount of red liquid that stains his fingertips.  
  
It takes him a moment to comprehend exactly what the liquid is, although he knows it's his own, so he runs his thumb over his fingertips, massaging the wetness against his skin and feeling how it oozes down to the palm of his hand and in between his digits before hitting the leg of his pants, staining the material.  
  
He looks up, his hazel orbs directly meeting Liam, who is sitting with his back pressed up against the wall, knees tucked up against his chest, right under his chin. His hands are running through his hair, pulling at the roots and he's shaking his head while keeping his gaze on Zayn's because it sinks in what he's done, what he's done to  _Zayn_ of all people, and it's not right, and the other boy should be running away from him.  
  
"I'm sorry," he murmurs, removing his hands from his head.  
  
Zayn notices that he's shaking, badly, hands quivering and not able to hold themselves still and he gulps, watches as tears pool in Liam's eyes and trail down his face. As they do so, Liam seems to shrink into himself even further, tightening up in as much of a ball as he can because he did something  _wrong_ , something very bad.  
  
He  _hit_  Zayn. He  _hurt_  his boyfriend.  
  
A sob escapes his throat, and he tears his eyes away from Zayn's, who's still sitting in the middle of the floor, trying his best to figure out where to go from here.  
  
"I didn't mean to. Really, it just happened-so much anger, and I let go because I could, because-because," Liam rambles, and it breaks Zayn's heart.  
  
He swallows, moving himself up onto his knees before crawling over to Liam.  
  
"Liam," he whispers, nudging the other boy's knee with his hand, and Liam flinches under the touch. He visible tries to back away from Zayn, but he can't move any more because he's pressed so tightly against the wall as it is and there's no place for him to go. "Look at me, Liam."  
  
His voice is hard, demanding the other's attention even if he doesn't want to look.  
  
Liam pulls his head up and makes eye contact with Zayn. They dance across Zayn's face, slowly going over each and every inch of skin until it lands on the area that is now turning a hazy blue and purple color.  
  
He dubiously reaches out, going slowly at first as if he were about to pet a scared animal, just in case Zayn may reject his actions, but he doesn't. He lets Liam move his hand towards his face, cup the side of his head and run his fingers over the forming bruises and cuts on his face very carefully, so delicately that Zayn hardly feels it at all.  
  
It takes a few seconds for it to sink in all over again, and Liam's face crumbles. It looks as if his whole world has been shattered, and he shakes his head, "No, I'm sorry, Zayn."  
  
His breath catches in his throat from the amount of crying he's doing, and it's hard to even focus on what he should do to fix this.  
  
"Liam, it's okay," Zayn replies, voice chocked and heavy.  
  
The other boy's eyes turn serious at his words, and he shakes his head again. "No,  _no_. This isn't okay. This will  _never_ be okay."  
  
So Zayn does the next best thing he can think of in order to sooth Liam's soul and his own. He leans forward and presses his lips against Liam's, gives him a soft little peck before giving him small butterfly kisses around his face.  
  
"We were angry."  
  
"Stop making excuses."  
  
"I love you."  
  
" _This_  is fucked up."  
  
Zayn worms his way into Liam's lap, nuzzling his head against the juncture of Liam's shoulder and neck, his nose brushing up against Liam's skin and inhaling the sweet scent there that's distinctly male and Liam alone.  
  
"It won't be like this next time," Zayn hums.  
  
"What makes you so sure?"  
  
Liam wraps his arms so tightly around Zayn, cradling him against his body as if he'd disappear if he didn't make sure he was close.  
  
"I just know, Liam."  
  
"That's not very reassuring."  
  
Zayn moves slightly in Liam's lap in order to lift his head up. He does so, but his movements only make Liam's arms surround him that much tighter.  
  
"Trust and love, and next time we don't let it get this far."  
  
Liam shakes his head. "How can you even say- look at what I did to you! You shouldn't even be here right now."  
  
"Do you want me to leave..."  
  
"No," Liam all but shouts, eyes widening and fingers curling into the material of Zayn's shirt. "No, don't do that."  
  
Zayn gives out a small chuckle. "We'll be okay. You'll see."  
  
It's supposed to be comforting, and while Zayn believes, Liam's not so sure.


End file.
